I forgot to recognize the difference between love and fear. I was in a place where I feared the thought of leaving the person I was with alone. His insecurities spilled over daily and eventually created a toxic atmosphere in the relationship, one that became mentally and physically abusive. I thought fear and love were one in the same, in the way that I hoped to overcome my fear for him by attempting to change myself so that I could be “easier” to love. This fear I had of him pushed me to a deep level of insecurity. This was did not feel right. Feeling fear in love, actual terror, is so easily mistaken, so easily accepted as genuine love. Love does not have to hurt emotionally, all the time. Love should feel good, and once I realized it, I realized that my fear for him was just that, a place where I should not have been, and am not any longer.
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