Blind Fear

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“He thought he would burn me forever…”-W.L.E

I forgot to recognize the difference between love and fear. I was in a place where I feared the thought of leaving the person I was with alone. His insecurities spilled over daily and eventually created a toxic atmosphere in the relationship, one that became mentally and physically abusive. I thought fear and love were one in the same, in the way that I hoped to overcome my fear for him by attempting to change myself so that I could be “easier” to love. This fear I had of him pushed me to a deep level of insecurity. This was did not feel right. Feeling fear in love, actual terror, is so easily mistaken, so easily accepted as genuine love. Love does not have to hurt emotionally, all the time. Love should feel good, and once I realized it, I realized that my fear for him was just that, a place where I should not have been, and am not any longer.

Lost in Worth

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There are moments where I begin to quietly give up on myself. I succumb to what is happening in my life, which happens when things are not going my way. In those moments, I find prayer helps me. To talk things out with God daily, when I feel there is no one else to turn to. It is so easy to get caught up in the moments of life, to feel as if everything has turned against me, and this here is the end. But is it? I remind myself the reason I appreciate my life is because there were times where my life felt worthless. Does it mean that I am worthless? I find the answer is, I create my own self worth. My beliefs about who I can be and what I will accomplish are found within. I am powerful, and beautiful, and this is why I will never give up, even in those moments of darkness, there is always light.

Second Chances

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I remember that night very clearly. Hands around my neck, eyes unable to register with mine. I was staring a demon in the face, and at that moment he wanted to take my life away. It was clear to me that maybe I had made the wrong decisions in life and this was my consequence. Life isn’t all about second chances, but I was given one that night. Someone or something intervened, and I was left alone, crying, feeling sorry for myself that I had ended up in this position. Just another statistic, I was sulking in my own depression for quite sometime. Then a bell rang inside me. I had been given a SECOND CHANCE! I was still alive, and instead of staying in pity, I moved to an understanding that I could learn from this. I could grow from this. I could move on from this. Most importantly, I can help someone to avoid staying in an abusive relationship. There are so many horrible things going on in my own country, in my own city, but it starts with the individual. We need to recognize our own selves, and be aware of our own desires and motives towards others. This is how we heal and unite. Take the opportunities given to us for the benefit of helping another. I am thankful for my darkest experiences, it has made me who I am today.

His Truth to Bring: Matthew Parada

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Matthew Parada

Matthew Parada, born and raised in Echo Park found a connection with the arts at a young age. “Ever since I was a little kid, I can distinctly remember hosting events being the main actor, I just wanted to be in a play. My mom said I would have monologues when I was six and I remembered them. I just always had an inclination to be part of the arts. It all felt very natural,” said Matthew. Continue reading

Strenght IN Guidance

June 25th 2016

Greg-Rakozy

We all need guidance throughout our journey. I use to be extremely prideful, and still it is a challenge to ask for advice or direction from others. I use to believe I would come off foolish by asking for help. Even if the person was a friend, I did not want to seem uneducated about something. I have recognized that there is strength in guidance, which is this weeks’ theme for my poetry and music show. Coming up with this topic, seemed random, but now I know it wasn’t. Unconsciously this topic sparked in my mind and I have been dwelling on it for the past week. What does it mean to find strength in guidance? For me, opening up myself to others has only proved beneficial. Of course there is the risk, that I will be misguided or deal with people who will purposefully try to push me astray, however, if I let that notion close me off, then it is only I to blame. There is beauty in an open heart and connection; it is only an advantage to seek guidance in all we do. Without accepting guidance, how does one expect to be a true leader?

Strenghth IN Guidance

Greg-Rakozy

We all need guidance throughout our journey. I use to be extremely prideful, and still it is a challenge to ask for advice or direction from others. I use to believe I would come off foolish by asking for help. Even if the person was a friend, I did not want to seem uneducated about something. I have recognized that there is strength in guidance, which is this weeks’ theme for my poetry and music show. Coming up with this topic, seemed random, but now I know it wasn’t. Unconsciously this topic sparked in my mind and I have been dwelling on it for the past week. What does it mean to find strength in guidance? For me, opening up myself to others has only proved beneficial. Of course there is the risk, that I will be misguided or deal with people who will purposefully try to push me astray, however, if I let that notion close me off, then it is only I to blame. There is beauty in an open heart and connection; it is only an advantage to seek guidance in all we do. Without accepting guidance, how does one expect to be a true leader?

Connecting INside

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What is connection without first recognizing oneself? I said this in my poetry and music show Sunday, Americans are in dire needs of healing themselves internally. All this madness and hate is within us, but it is not who we are. A year ago, I found myself in one of the darkest experiences. I was not who I knew I could be. I was lost, dealing with my emotions by numbing them through sex, and drugs. It didn’t matter that I had recently graduated college with honors and everything ahead looked bright; there was something missing. It is easy to get caught up in materialism, wanting to be something by having something. I had to discover that materials did not make me happy, it was temporary pleasure, and would never fulfill. Fill yourself up with love for yourself. To love myself has been the greatest healer of all time. I am able to confidently say, “Yes I am happy, Yes I am free, because I love who I am and who I will grow to be.”

– Wynter Eddins

Compare No More

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A year ago, I was not able to look myself in the mirror and accept who I had come to be. I followed all the rules life urged me to, I even did more than I was told. I went and graduated college, I found a job that was not in my plans, and I did that job. I woke up everyday, going through the motions of life. My greatest fear in life is giving up, settling. Settling because I am scared and unable to take the next step. I tried to compare myself to my peers. “Well she hasn’t even graduated and we went to the same school, so at least I got that going for me.” These small comparisons helped me to justify that it was okay that I was not where I pictured myself five years prior. However, I soon discovered comparing myself to others, truly limited my overall potential. “Well, I’m doing better than they are,” or “I will never have that at that age,” that type of mentality was an unsettling one. I began to feel uneasy about those who were pursuing my dream of acting and those who were making way in the industry. I discovered I am no better or less than anyone who is out there giving life a try. We all have our struggles and our story is not defined by someone else’s struggle. Our experiences shape us, but they do not define us. We are who we strive to be. I am and will be all that I have imagined I would.

Compete Without Me

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We compete with one another you and I. I would rather see you burn then touch the sky. I would never let you know this, so I locked this secret down and I tell you to reach high. It is a lie. I am blinded by my own insecurities, and in a perfect world you and I could co-exist without my hatefulness. It is rooted inside, and it burns tonight for you not to achieve. I am guilty of hiding behind what you cannot see.

Are we all Mad?

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Amused by other people’s suffering.  Cruelness lies in the blood, selfishness is stuck on us like mud. Filthy thoughts pervading in, and wondering where shall we begin when madness controls our minds and makes up things about our lives. We must acknowledge the pain we have brought others and ourselves, so we can move forward.

-W.L.E.